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The Boston Market Story

Gecko Tells Oprah: I Had a Glove Child

    By LINDY LOHAN

    Special to the New Jersey News

    HACKENSACK,  N.J. -- After appearing on "The View" and revealing that his real name was Ken, the Geico Gecko sat down with Oprah and left a national television audience weeping in its collective handkerchief when he said that many years ago he fathered a young gecko who became a pair of high-end lizardskin gloves. Compounding the tragedy, the Gecko said that one of the gloves was worn by Michael Jackson at the time of his death.

    The Gecko is promoting his new tell-all book, "It Was So Easy a Mojo Could Do It," in which he also reveals that he had a long-running affair with Anna Nicole Smith and was drafted as a linebacker in the second round by the New York Jets before going on the Kaizen diet.

    In a related development, Google Inc. filed a multimillion dollar lawsuit against Geico claiming the insurance giant's stack of money with the googly eyes infringed upon its intelligence and demanding that the googly eyes be replaced with "marbleized glassy eyes."

    After appearing on Oprah, the Gecko was interviewed by New Jersey News columnist Ken "Irving" Kenney, who asked if it were true that the Gecko was on the 89th floor of Tower 1 on 9/11.

    "Of course it's true," the Gecko said. "I was filming a commercial in the offices of Kentor Fitzgerald about 'ow you could save 'undreds of dollars in fifteen mi-its by switching your travel insurance to Geico when the first plane 'it. Moments later, after I finished placing a small Australian flag near one of the windows, a seagull flew into the office and I 'itched a ride. Pre'y lucky, don't ya think?"

    "Just like your purported glove child, I think that's a crock," Kenney said candidly.

    "Oh contraire, I think tha's an alligator," the Gecko said as an 11-foot reptile slithered out of the men's room, after having been flushed down the toilet a year earlier when it got too big for the five-gallon fish tank in an editor's office. Moments later, Kenney was nowhere to be seen, the gator was licking its chops, and the newspaper's editor Borg was phoning the S.I. "Ken" Newhouse School of Public Communications at Syracuse University to say there was an opening for an intern who could write a column for extra credit.

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Chickie says: How did the Geico Gecko make his first stack of money?*

*He invested with Lizard Freres.